英語エッセイ（荒井公康著）

１．Reading the newspaper, I hit upon a joke. I seem to be clear-headed, intelligent and brainy today. If you read it by enjoying it, I'm happy. Now I'll write the joke bellow.

Do you know why peas roll off the plate when tilted? If you don't know the reason, you must be square. I think you should smooth down the rough edges of your characters.

Some people ask us a strange question. "If you were an animal, what animal do you think you resemble?" I always answer, "I look very much like a goldfish." More often than not, they laugh out loud. I don't know why it's so hilarious. I think it deserves to be praised to investigate why the answer makes people laugh. This is a very interesting question, isn't it?

2. When I was checking web-zines as usual, I came across strange news. I'd like to believe that it is a kind of joke. This is too important and serious to be the truth. The news said,

The worst fears of triskaidekaphobics and paraskevidekatriaphobics heve been realized. A survey by a psycologist suggests that they are probably more unlucky than people who treat 13 like any other number.

***** vocabulary ******
triskaidekaphobic = a person who is afraid of the number 13
paraskevidekatriaphobic = a person who is afraid of Friday the thirteenth

Do you believe this complicated suggestion? The ability of the psychologist for making new concepts in Latin is undoubtedly amazing. As for me, I'd like to believe that the only thing to be praised is his or her peculiar ability to devise new technical terms. This theory is so sophisticated that I could'nt believe. By the way, I'm afraid of 4 and 9. What are you afraid of?

3. I heard a rumor that the mayor of Yokohama has declared "ladies' night" and says he will fine any men found out in the evening, in an attemt to encourage them to stay at home and do the chores. I've got sick of the world to hear the news. I'd like to believe the rumor is an untruth. But I might be a bit drunk tonight. Lately I often stumble on strange ideas. I'm sorry if I guess wrong.

4. I usually sit in meditation at night. When I sit in meditation, I think nothing. In other words, I'm one of the greatest and stupidest people in Japan. In eastern philosophy, naught or emptiness means formlessness. For that reason naught can embrace everything in any forms. So naught is deeper than love and ens. So when I sit in meditation, I always try to bring myself to naught, although it is difficult to do. However, with alcohol this will be always successful. I assure you. It takes long time to awake. I'm a kind of trainee monk. I know I'm not sufficiently trained. It's difficult for me to distinguish the difference between dreaming and awakiening. I always wonder whether I'm dreaming or awaking. After all I must admit I'm not trained at all. So have a good dream, everyone.



5. In 2003 British astronomers warned of a potential - but remote - threat of a newly discovered asteroid striking Earth in 11 years' time. The asteroid, called "2003 QQ47" and weighing 2.8 billion tons, could strike earth on March 21, 2014, the Leicester, English-based Near Objects Information Center, or NEO, said in a statement.

The year 1999 has passed in peace against Michel de Nostredame. I've got another headache again. I wonder if I could sleep well till March 21, 2014. The 11 years is long. How should we cope with this threat?

One of my friends said, "Are there different opinions among other astronomers? Did you worry about Nostredame's prediction? I did not. I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. Chances are rather low, I guess. Even if it does happen, what can we do about it anyway. Let's not worry about something that we have no control over. Okey?"

This is good advice. But we must admit the end of the world might be coming soon.



6. I heard every second Germany cheats on or has cheated on their partner, according to a new survey published in 2003. In Japan the rate seems to be more often than in German.

I'm lucky not to be married. I'm too old to idealize a woman and get married. But I fall in love too easily. I don't know why. I'm falling in love with the piano now. She is so cute. What kind of fool am I? But isn't it romantic? What is this thing called love? You don't know what love is. I have ears only for the piano. And I have eyes only for you. The way you look tonight..... By the way, would you mind my asking you to tell me who you are?



7. Wohin besteht der Unterschied zwischen einem Psychotiker und einem Neurotiker? Der Psychotiker denkt, dass zwai plus zwai fuenf ist. Der Neurotiker weiss, dass zwai plus zwai vier ist, aber es laesst ihm keine Ruhe.



８．They say using music as a healing medium dates back to ancient times. I don't know how they could have proved it. Anyway it is known that music therapy is effective at promoting relaxation, relieving anxiety and stress, and treating depression. Now I understand why I'm always relaxed, quite free from anxiety, completely stressless, and distantly related to mental disorders. That's because I love music. Let me show the proof. Listning to music makes me forget myself and when the music stops I come to myself. In other words to forget myself may be the secret of mental health. By listning to music I can forget myself and reality. I think music is a second cause. How do you think of this point of view? Is it a little bit sad?



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